i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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