I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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