he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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