u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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