he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
