I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
ttyl tear gas
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing