he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
