My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't tell me you're on acid again
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?