Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.