Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.

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  (512): clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar. http://tfl.nu/1hcy
  Replies (10) Good night (808) Bad night (1734)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality

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  (336): I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality http://tfl.nu/g1bs
  Replies (73) Good night (1582) Bad night (13027)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.

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  (425): If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower. http://tfl.nu/0936
  Replies (11) Good night (3588) Bad night (1693)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them

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  (570): Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them http://tfl.nu/2e8h
  Replies (4) Good night (1035) Bad night (620)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.

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  (919): My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it. http://tfl.nu/7nca
  Replies (27) Good night (3092) Bad night (818)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.

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  (847): I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am. http://tfl.nu/8371
  Replies (1) Good night (1229) Bad night (543)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?

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  (253): How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head? http://tfl.nu/0ahi
  Replies (6) Good night (882) Bad night (675)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid

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  (814): its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid http://tfl.nu/32bb
  Replies (2) Good night (857) Bad night (351)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right

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  (610): I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right http://tfl.nu/fw6i
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (697)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.

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  (313): From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours. http://tfl.nu/36vr
  Replies (4) Good night (1067) Bad night (690)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.

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  (906): A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious. http://tfl.nu/r6bp
  Replies (4) Good night (1074) Bad night (372)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.

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  (501): May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t. http://tfl.nu/izdj
  Replies (2) Good night (704) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.

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  (347): I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical. http://tfl.nu/o6lg
  Replies (7) Good night (811) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.

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  (941): i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win. http://tfl.nu/m2ze
  Replies (2) Good night (426) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail

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  (802): Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail http://tfl.nu/7jig
  Replies (4) Good night (355) Bad night (502)

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