the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin