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• (646): View more from New York

  Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient

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• (516): View more from New York

  he has the hands of the vagina gods.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.

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• (310): View more from California

  Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul

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• (361): View more from Texas

  Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?

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• (801): View more from Utah

  He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (626): View more from California

  It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."

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• (386): View more from Florida

  I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.

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• (607): View more from New York

  YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.

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