Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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