Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?