you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
