Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
