wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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