those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
