Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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