My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
