Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
