Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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