Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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