True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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