this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
