i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
