never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Alive.
So much puke
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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