so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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