My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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