I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
