He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My life is pants optional.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
