Jerry, you need to find god
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
