Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
