She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
