im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
