Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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