the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
