Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
