i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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