Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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