Porn is love you can see.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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