True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
