I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
