She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
