I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
