i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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