Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize