i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
that's an acceptable place to lick
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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