I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
