He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
