So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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