normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize