She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
