Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
