when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I understand Curling. That high.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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