im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
