Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
