i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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