Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
3pm strippers are depressing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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