...so i touched it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
