some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
