Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wish my penis had a tongue
My pussy is not your playground.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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