I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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