very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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