dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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