I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
