I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
