my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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