ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
