Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
