You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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