And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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