People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
