Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
