Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
