Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
